Why am I so tired?

I just returned from a five day vacation in the Dominican Republic. Friday while on vacation I noticed that I was getting a sore throat. Seeing that I have a low white blood cell count, this kind of concerns me. Now that I am back at work I feel so tired and drained. On top of this I am having very frequent PVCs which are pretty annoying. My motivation level is abysmal so I am not getting anything done at work and I have plenty to do.

I went home for lunch and the wife was in bed not feeling well from diarrhea. No rest for the wicked.

Fear of the Unknown

In November I went to my general practitioner doctor for an annual checkup. I got the fun digital exam and they took my blood. The bloodwork came back all good except for a low white blood cell count. He told me that I might just have a viral infection and asked me to come back to have my white blood cell count tested again. I did so at the beginning of this month and it still was low.

He sent me to an oncologist whom I met with Monday this week. They took seven vials of blood from me. I still have a low white blood cell count but all of the other factors in my blood look good. So what could it be? He doesn't think Leukemia is it because the other readings of my blood look fine but this Monday he is going to do a bone marrow biopsy just to rule out Leukemia. Another possibility is an autoimmune disease. There are many, many of those. An autoimmune disease is one where the body attacks its own white blood cells. It also could be something as simple as a vitimin B12 deficiency- which I hope to hell that it is.

Needless to say all of this is pretty damn scary. But right now just not knowing is pretty shitty. I really really want to be around for my children because they need me and I love life. Nothing to do now but just wait.

I love me some Adrienne

Adrienne is such a tender hearted cute sweet five year old. When at home she always wants someone to go to the bathroom with her. When she asks me she points to a specific area on the floor just outside the bathroom door and says "Daddy you stay right there until I am finished." Sometimes she will close the door and tell me that she needs her privacy and sometimes she just leaves the door open and talks to me as she tinkles.

She doesn't like to go downstairs or upstairs by herself. She always asks me or Tamara to go with her. She tells me every time "Daddy, you know I don't like to be alone."

Tonight she told me that she wanted to study so she wouldn't feel like she doesn't know anything - school is starting back tomorrow morning. Sometimes her brother and sister make her feel inadequate

Santa Visits Newton, NC

Santa came to our house tonight. We didn't burn a fire just so he could come down the chimbley. He brought my children so many toys... too many toys. He ate some cookies and drank some soy milk left out for him. He also took some oatmeal left out for his reindeer. I suggested to Tamara that maybe we should leave out some white lines so the reindeer wouldn't lose their magic. For some reason she didn't think that was funny.

Dammit Santa, next year don't bring so many damn presents.

Santa Claws

Tonight Tam and I wrapped presents from Santa - a rediculous amount of gifts. Fourteen for Adrienne alone and that doesn't count the stocking suffers. I really don't like the excess that we are teaching our kids that they will consider the norm.

We watched the Hangover 2- not as good as the first ont, but nonetheless funny.

Kids are at Mimi's.

Big Assed Red oak

I paid a tree company $900 to fell a very large red oak that was fairly close to my house. My father was so worried about it falling on my house. I truly believe that the chances of it falling on my house anytime in the next 60+ years were almost zero. it was leaning kind of towards my house but it was completely healthy and had a very good root system. I just took it down so my father would not worry.

So my father let me borrow his chainsaws and got the chains sharpened and supplied me with gas and I cut up all the wood today. Next will be to split all of it. The scary thing is that I really enjoy doing this. there is something about manual labor and wielding a chainsaw that I like.

Getting ready for bed

Night always proves to be somewhat of a challenge. When Tamara or I announce that it is time for bed inevitably Atticus will pitch a fit and say he is hungry and that he did not get his desert. Normally we cave in but tonight I didn't. I called his bullshit on it. It is just a stall tactic because they don't like to go to bed. But we try to stick to a schedule because routine is good for kids at that age.

Adrienne has really warmed up to me over the past six months. Now she will give me kisses goodnight and hugs at any request. She asks me to play with her frequently. At nights she always wants me with her when she brushes her teeth because she says she is scared and doesn't like to be alone. She doesn't like to go downstairs at night by herself because she is scared. The same goes for London. Both the girls have me wrapped completely around their fingers as it should be. I know this stage won't last forever and I will do my best to enjoy it while it is here.