Nothing wrong with me

I went to Duke for an appointment at the Bone Marrow Transplant Center. When you arrive at the front you go into a room before you enter the building. In this room my must wash your hands thoroughly and then put on a mask. The people in the waiting room have either compromised or no immune systems.

The first thing that you do when you check in is to see the Financial Counselor. He sat us down and told me that he had already talked to my case worker at United Healthcare (my health insurance company) and that I was pre-approved for a bone marrow transplant.

What?

I was just there to get checked out and they already had me pegged for a bone marrow transplant. I kind of shook it off.

We then met with the doctor, Mitchell Horowitz, who told me that he thought that I was just taking longer than "textbook" to get over some sort of unknown viral infection. My CT scan showed nothing really abnormal (slight scoliosis and a 5mm cyst on my right kidney) and all my other bloodwork besides my WBC was normal. So he told me to get checked in another 3 months and not to worry about it.

So hopefully all this shit was much to do about nothing. Better to know than not.

Old and Tired

I went bike riding yesterday with my neighbor. I noticed that my heart rate was about ten beats per minute faster than normal for me throughout the entire ride. I just didn't feel up to par. Normally I don't have days like that. That gets me thinking. Did my performance or lack thereof have anything to do with the iodine from the CT scan I had on Friday? Is my issue with my white blood cells contributing?

I have felt kind of lethargic and out of energy today. Tamara had rotator cuff surgery on Thursday and thank goodness her mother and my mother have helped a lot with food and the kids. I had the kids all day by myself today so, my bother and his family met me at the Catawba Science Center today, we ate lunch and then went bowling. I just felt tired all day.

I have a doctor appointment at Duke Hospital this coming Thursday to see if someone can tell me what the hell is going on with my immune system. It sure would be nice to have some answers. To be honest it is pretty damn scary. I don't know whether I have some rare form of cancer or if it is something far more benign. Besides being a little more tired than normal, I feel pretty damn good.

My Bone Marrow Biopsy and Aspiration and subsequent diagnosis

Ok, so the Oncologist performed a bone marrow biopsy on me about on February 3. That was none too fun but it wasn't really all that bad. They made me lay on my stomach and they gave me a local in my back around my left hip bone. After it was numb enough he used a tool that essentially cut and removed a core of my bone and bone marrow. Tamara watched him do it and said it looked pretty severe. Apparently the tool looks like a wine cork screw and he really had to bear down on it while turning to get the sample. It was mildly painful and was over pretty quickly. There were really only two times that I felt a good bolt of pain.

I had another appointment with the Oncologist today to get the results. The lab that analyzed my bone marrow printed a multi page report that is very technical and I suspect that an Oncologist would be the only one to really understand it.

My diagnosis is as follows:

Atypical CD8+ T cells with aberrant immunophenotypes (17% of total cells) and atypical natural killer cell lymphocytosis (23% of total cells) are present

My Oncologist said that this is pretty rare and that it is beyond what he is willing to attempt to treat. He has referred me to a doctor at Duke University Hospital.

This is pretty damn scary. The report is extremely complicated and inconclusive about malignancy. What is amounts to is that I am freak of nature and have some strange rare condition that may or may not be benign. I just hope that someone at Duke can start to determine what the hell is going on with my immune system.

The funny thing is that I feel great and don't have any symptoms of anything that would point to problems.

We will wait and see.....

A Reminder

I had a meeting tonight and got home after the kids were asleep. I turned off all the lights left on in the house and then checked in on the sleeping children. There is something about my children sleeping. I stood over Adrienne and London as they slept and it reminded me why I live. My life is for them. I exist, I breathe, I survive only for my children. I have never known real love until they became part of my life.

Everything else doesn't matter. Only my family is of true significance.

Why am I so tired?

I just returned from a five day vacation in the Dominican Republic. Friday while on vacation I noticed that I was getting a sore throat. Seeing that I have a low white blood cell count, this kind of concerns me. Now that I am back at work I feel so tired and drained. On top of this I am having very frequent PVCs which are pretty annoying. My motivation level is abysmal so I am not getting anything done at work and I have plenty to do.

I went home for lunch and the wife was in bed not feeling well from diarrhea. No rest for the wicked.

Fear of the Unknown

In November I went to my general practitioner doctor for an annual checkup. I got the fun digital exam and they took my blood. The bloodwork came back all good except for a low white blood cell count. He told me that I might just have a viral infection and asked me to come back to have my white blood cell count tested again. I did so at the beginning of this month and it still was low.

He sent me to an oncologist whom I met with Monday this week. They took seven vials of blood from me. I still have a low white blood cell count but all of the other factors in my blood look good. So what could it be? He doesn't think Leukemia is it because the other readings of my blood look fine but this Monday he is going to do a bone marrow biopsy just to rule out Leukemia. Another possibility is an autoimmune disease. There are many, many of those. An autoimmune disease is one where the body attacks its own white blood cells. It also could be something as simple as a vitimin B12 deficiency- which I hope to hell that it is.

Needless to say all of this is pretty damn scary. But right now just not knowing is pretty shitty. I really really want to be around for my children because they need me and I love life. Nothing to do now but just wait.

I love me some Adrienne

Adrienne is such a tender hearted cute sweet five year old. When at home she always wants someone to go to the bathroom with her. When she asks me she points to a specific area on the floor just outside the bathroom door and says "Daddy you stay right there until I am finished." Sometimes she will close the door and tell me that she needs her privacy and sometimes she just leaves the door open and talks to me as she tinkles.

She doesn't like to go downstairs or upstairs by herself. She always asks me or Tamara to go with her. She tells me every time "Daddy, you know I don't like to be alone."

Tonight she told me that she wanted to study so she wouldn't feel like she doesn't know anything - school is starting back tomorrow morning. Sometimes her brother and sister make her feel inadequate